I'm 70, I have Cancer, F*ck it!

Hi Everyone,

I wish I could take credit for the title of this post, but as I am sure many of you already guessed, it actually came from - you got it - VIVI!  When my mother asked me to write a blog post updating all of you on the events of the last few weeks, I was apprehensive, as I wasn't sure how to keep the same humorous and positive tone I tried my best to maintain throughout this blog thus far. However, when Vivi texted me saying she had thought of the perfect title for the new blog - the tone was already set. All I could do was shake my head and laugh and think, "that's my mom."

I also wish that I was writing this post to update all of you with better news, but, unfortunately, that is not the case. While I knew I would have to be sending such a post to all of you at some point, I was certainly hoping I would not have to do it so quickly. Unfortunately, just over 6 months after being deemed in "remission" Vivi has relapsed.

The week before Labor Day Vivi had some blood tests come back indicating that her CA-125 levels (the blood marker that measures the growth of ovarian cancer cells in one's body) were elevated. The blood test was then followed by a CT scan which confirmed that the cancer had, in fact, returned. The good news is, since Vivi is monitored so closely now, this was all caught fairly early. While there is already some spreading - with the most significant finding on her left kidney - this is to be expected with ovarian cancer. If you are new to this blog, it may be helpful to go back and read some of the earlier posts which most clearly describe the nature of ovarian cancer. However, in short, what makes ovarian cancer so tricky is that it tends to sprinkle itself around as opposed to showing up as one localized tumor (although larger tumors can occur as well).

When we met with Vivi's doctors, there were two treatment options - surgery or chemo. Vivi was not a candidate for surgery as, stated above, the cancer is too sprinkled for surgery to be effective. Thus, she will be going back into chemotherapy beginning this Wednesday. The new regimen will, once again, be a 21-day cycle. However, this time around, Vivi will have two weeks of treatment in a row (only one day of treatment each week - not the whole week - just to clarify), followed by a week off. The plan is for her to go through 3 rounds of treatment, have a CT scan to track her progress, and then continue with another 1-3 rounds of treatment depending on her progress. Due to Vivi's cardiac complications during her treatment last year, she is going to have to be treated, once again, as an in-patient. While hospital time is never particularly fun, I have no doubt my mother will, once again, establish her little fan club of nurses, patients, and passers-by, who are sure to be regular visitors in her private (yes, private) room!

So here is the reality of the situation. Truthfully, while we all hoped Vivi would stay in remission as long as possible, we also knew that she would relapse at some point. This is just the nature of ovarian cancer. Only 10% of women diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer are actually cured. So while Vivi put up an undeniably valiant and brave fight last year, the odds were never in our favor.

Good news - while Vivi will likely be in and out of remission for the foreseeable future, her doctors are nothing but optimistic that this round of chemo should be extremely effective and she will likely be back in remission by winter. Not only was Vivi amazingly responsive to chemotherapy last year, but she withstood the treatment as if she were her horse! So while we are all certainly saddened by the news of the last few weeks, we remain hopeful that Vivi will once again make it through this with flying colors, lots of laughs, a solid amount of inappropriate behavior, and at least one new pair of sparkly diamond earrings!

More good news - if you know our family at all,  we are lucky to have the knowledge and resources which allow us to explore options outside of chemotherapy. While chemo is certainly the best short term solution, it is not a long-term answer. Knowing this, we have spent much of our time over the last few weeks meeting with doctors and exploring every possible treatment available. While Vivi has chosen to stick to the traditional route of chemotherapy, it is good to know we have options - something that many people in our position are not afforded.


Even better news - the last few weeks have not been all work and no play! First and foremost, Vivi turned the big (gasp!) 7-0 yesterday. So my sister flew in for the weekend and we celebrated with a lovely dinner on Saturday night, a brunch yesterday, and lots of birthday cake!! The weekend before, our cousin Kyra got married in Rhode Island, which was another fun (and might I add - stunning) family affair. Now here's the really fun part: we decided we would charter a plane and fly up to Rhode Island as a family and - believe it or not - Vivi flew the plane (proof in the photos below)!!! Of course we had a real pilot and Vivi only flew for a few seconds, but still, it was serendipitous timing for Vivi to not only face, but conquer, one of her greatest fears (Vivi is terrified of flying, if you weren't already aware)!!!! My sister-in-law also faced one of her biggest fears - sitting in a plane that my mother was flying. Nonetheless, it was a well timed adventure, followed by a beautiful night of family fun!

So, while we certainly have another challenging year ahead, our family - in its usual fashion - has already managed to rally together and cherish some extremely special time together - as I expect we will continue to do in the upcoming months.

I apologize that this post lacks my usual humorous tone (or attempt at humor), but I knew this would be a lot of information to ingest, and wanted to focus on the facts. Judging from last year, I already anticipate the amount love and support that will come pouring in after this post is sent - so thank you in advance. All of you were certainly our greatest motivators, supporters, and source of inspiration last year, and I have no doubt this year will be different.

I will, per usual, keep everyone posted on my mother's progress, and have no doubt that I will have many entertaining stories to tell along the way.

All my love. Until next time...

Vivi's Back!

Hi Everyone,

I am, once again, thrilled to have the honor of delivering more good news about Vivi and her extraordinary battle against the Big C. Two weeks ago, Vivi received the results from her final CT scans, and they were completely clean! This means Vivi has been officially deemed IN REMISSION (!!!!!!!!!) - which technically means there is no traceable sign of cancer in her body. This news, while not entirely unexpected considering Vivi's incredible progress over the last 10 months, was certainly met with overwhelming relief and absolute joy.

I can still so clearly remember the day of Vivi's first surgery, sitting with our surgeon in that little holding room at Sloan Kettering, barely able to absorb what Dr. Abu-Rustum was explaining to us. As he sat across that little round table, which was adorned with nothing more than a small box of tissues, Dr. Abu-Rustum soberly delivered news, which he had clearly delivered to countless families before us, that the situation did not look very promising. At that point, the cancer was so far spread throughout Vivi's abdomen, he was not even able to perform surgery, and decided it would be best to try and shrink the tumors with chemo first. With such a prognosis sitting on our shoulders, our family heading down the road of this journey hoping for the best, but certainly preparing for the worst.

However, through each step of this process - nine rounds chemo, two surgeries, two near heart attacks, countless tests, and endless days and weeks in that hospital - Vivi made us all believers in the impossible, as she met each challenge with strength, spirit, and her impervious sense of humor.

While the last year has certainly presented the greatest challenge my family has yet faced, it is my mother who truly endured a test of the body and will that none of us could ever try to understand. It is also she, and she alone, who came out swinging with her 40-carats worth of diamonds, and fought an awe-inspiring battle for her life.

However, as I have said so many times before on this blog - there are countless doctors, nurses, nutritionists, chefs, family members, and friends, without whom my mother, nor our family, could have ever survived this last year. So, I will say it again, as it cannot be said nearly enough times - THANK YOU! Thank you, to all of you, from the very bottom of our hearts, for everything you have offered my mother and our family throughout this entire process. This overwhelming influx of love and support has touched each one of us so deeply, and allowed us all to remain strong and positive when, at times, such a feat seemed impossible.

I would also like to thank everyone for their generous donations to Team Vivi for our ride in Cycle for Survival - an event that raised money for Memorial Sloan Kettering. It was an absolutely moving and inspirational event, and raised money for a cause that is obviously near and dear to all of our hearts now. So thank you for supporting us!

With that said, I am thrilled to tell you that Vivi is getting stronger by the day, and already up to her old tricks. Surprisingly, she is also up to some new tricks, such as working out with a trainer twice a week (news which was almost more shocking than my mother's initial prognosis)! Tricks or not, my mother is certainly on the mend, and might I add, looking fabulous as ever as she sports her new, um, hair! And as the weather begins its slow but sure turn, I know my mother is looking forward to, once again, spending her time enjoying her favorite activities such as riding the trails of North Salem on her horse, and relaxing in the serene surroundings of our house on Lake Mahopac - luxuries that have been taken from her for far too long now.

However, it is certainly a challenge to simply move on with life as usual, as all of our lives have been forever altered by the events of the past year. We certainly remain hopeful that my mother's miraculous recovery will continue, but also remain mindful of the complicated disease she is facing, and the fact that we may not have, in fact, seen the end. However, we also forge forward with a new sense of strength, and, most certainly, a new sense of appreciation for all that life has to offer. After experiencing a year such as the one my family has just endured, all we want to do is spend our time with the people we care about in the most positive way possible.

Hence, our family has started a new tradition called "Monday Night Family Nights" where, together, we embark on a new fun activity each week. It is certainly a much needed shift from the countless Monday nights we have spent together in the hospital over the past year. It is also a welcome change for a family that never even managed to have a real family dinner together over the years! The pictures above are from our first Family Night a few weeks back when we all, including Vivi (as you can see) went bowling. I absolutely love these photographs, as they so perfectly embody Vivi's spirit, our collective feeling of redemption, and our attempt to move forward with life and FUN!

So as our family looks forward to the change of the seasons, and the turning of a new leaf, we hope you do as well.

All our love and gratitude...

Goodbye, Chemo!

Hi Everyone,

I am thrilled to report that today is Vivi's last day of chemo! After today, Vivi will have two weeks to recover from the treatment before she receives her first round of post-treatment scans and tests to ensure that everything is clear. At that point, we are hopeful she will be officially deemed "in remission", and even more hopeful that she will stay in remission for many, many years to come!

While these final rounds of treatment have been nothing short of incredibly challenging, Vivi has done her very best to remain strong and positive. Per usual, she has managed to maintain her infallible sense of humor, sparkle, magnetism, and, well...drama - even as she is hooked up to numerous machines. These Vivisms, along with her will and strength, which rival that of a bull, have, without a doubt, been the driving force behind my mother's rather miraculous recovery. After 9 rounds of chemotherapy, 2 surgeries, 2 near heart attacks, and countless tests and scans, Vivi is walking out of the other end of the "Big C" almost exactly as she walked into it (minus a bit of hair, but plus an unimaginable amount of head coverings).

These qualities have also, quite literally, made Vivi a star here at the hospital, which is simply not surprising. These last rounds of treatment have required a lot of hospital time, which is never easy. However, for Vivi, it has certainly not been boring either. Once word has spread that Vivi has checked into her room (private, of course!), a slew of nurses, doctors, technicians, and patients start pouring in for visits - not unlike the hordes of people who gather in Rome to greet the Pope. Just so you know, I am not even referring the to people who are actually here to treat her - who often have to push their way through the crowds that have gathered around my mother's hospital bed. Her visitors are various people she has come across through her time here at Sloan. In her Vivi-way, my mother has made each of these people feel as if she were their new best friend - or therapist in many cases. Only my mother can get someone to tell their entire life story while they are performing an EKG on her - after which, she will manage to get their phone number, home address, and email, and stay in touch with them on a rather regular basis (hence, how the word spreads so quickly upon my mother's arrival at the hospital). But such is the way of Vivi. She thrives and survives on connecting with other people, and feels special by making them feel special. And while I poke fun, and often role my eyes from my regular chair in the corner of her hospital room, it is through this truly special network of amazing people that my mother has found so much of her strength - and for that, I am eternally grateful. So, to everyone from Memorial Sloan Kettering who is on this list - thank you for the care you have offered Vivi, the support you have offered our family, and the friendship which, I am sure, will sustain my mother in her continued recovery.

So what now? Well, once it is determined that Vivi is officially in remission (meaning, there is no traceable cancer in her body), she will receive one last procedure to remove her chemo port. After that, she will be closely monitored, and will receive scans and blood tests every three to four months. We are hoping this will be coupled with her new diet and exercise regimen - right, mom?!?!?

While we are extremely hopeful about Vivi's prognosis (something we were not able to say just a few months ago), we also must remain realistic in our expectations about what lies ahead for Vivi. Ovarian cancer is just an extremely tricky and unpredictable cancer, which has an unfortunately high recurrence rate. However, Vivi has beat the odds (more like, kicked the living shit out of the odds) through every single step of this process, and I have no doubt she will continue to beat this disease with the same continued fervor and flair.

While I have said this in every post on this blog, I will continue to say it - we could not have gotten through ANY of this without the undying love, support, and prayers from all of you - our dear friends, family, and all the wonderful people on "Team Vivi" (Stefanie, Nathalie, Marti, Marcus, and more). While this has certainly been the most significant challenge our family has faced yet, it has also been a surprisingly positive experience on so many levels as well. Never in my life have I seen such true good, grace, and kindness from the people around me, and never before have I appreciated all the blessings in my life as I do now. I think you would be hard-pressed to find anyone in my family, especially my mother, who would feel differently.

As to be expected, my updates will be less frequent from here on out. However, I will try to let you know how Vivi is doing at least once in a while. Hopefully, you will periodically hear from Vivi, herself - that is, if she isn't too busy out riding her horse, or designing the latest and greatest in beaded and diamond jewelry!

So onto "normal" life we go. Hopefully, the only thing left for us to weather this winter is the snow. Thank you all, again, from the bottom of our hearts, for all you have done for my mother, for our family, and for being a part of this challenging journey.

As the last few drops of chemo make their way in, I am going to sign out. And with that, we are, officially...DONE!

The New Regimen

Hello All!

First of all, I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. As you can see from the photos above, we had a wonderful and festive holiday – filled with lots of family, friends, food, and fun! Thanksgiving has always been an important tradition in our family, especially our annual Macy’s Day Parade party. However, as I am sure you can imagine, this year was a particularly poignant holiday for us, as we are all much more cognizant of the many blessings we have to be thankful for. First and foremost, we were all extraordinarily grateful for the fact that my mother was feeling good, looking great, and able to enjoy the holiday weekend to its fullest! This is something we were not sure would be possible considering the proximity of the holiday to her surgery. However, not only did Vivi get to participate in the multi-day celebration - she was even up to her usual mischievous antics.

After a lovely morning parade party, which included appearances by some of our oldest and dearest friends, such as the Bergman boys, we enjoyed a tradition we have not had in years – Thanksgiving dinner at our house. Since my two older brothers, David and Marko, have moved to the east coast, we have traded off having the dinner at one of their houses. However, seeing as we were not sure about what Vivi’s health status would be during the holiday, we decided it would be best to plan a dinner within walking distance to her bed. I have to say, although it was simply a contingency plan, this year’s dinner was one of my favorite Thanksgiving meals that I can remember. Again, celebrating a holiday, the entire point of which is to be thankful, was particularly meaningful to all of us this year. It was a truly special moment to be sitting around a huge table, surrounded by my whole family (sadly, minus my sister and her children), hearing nothing but chatting, laughing, and chewing. I most especially enjoyed watching my mother sitting across the table from me, looking healthy and happy. While this has unquestionably been one of the toughest years our family has ever faced, we have quickly realized that such hard times can also manifest some rather extraordinary moments. Thursday night was no exception. While it certainly would have been easy to simply focus on the hardships of this past year, our family, per usual, took this as yet another opportunity to simply be thankful for each other and the many other blessings we have in our lives.

The following day, we headed out to New Jersey to my brother David’s house for our annual post-Thanksgiving make-your-own pizza party! While Vivi tried to play the C-card and get one of us to make a pizza for her, she ended up making her own “practically burnt” (the way she likes it) margarita pizza – or so she claims. I am still convinced my father ended up making it for her, in the end, which is just typical (cancer or not)! In any case, it was another evening of lovely family togetherness and fun.

For most people, a full Thanksgiving dinner followed by a full-on pizza party would be enough food to last them for at least a few weeks - not our family! On Saturday, we headed up to my brother Marko’s house in Connecticut for a feast of burgers, fries, and milkshakes. No joke! While none of this is in any way, shape, or form, on Vivi’s diet, we figured she deserved to indulge for the holiday weekend, especially as she would be heading back into treatment the following week.

That takes us to the present. I am currently sitting in Vivi’s hospital room at Sloan (private, of course!), as she is getting her first hydration treatment and prepping for the start of her new chemo regimen tomorrow. The new regimen will entail two chemo treatments during week 1 (this week) – one through an IV, and the second (which will be on Wednesday), through a port that goes straight into her abdomen. On Thursday, she will receive one more hydration treatment, and, if all goes well, she will go home that day. She will then have the weekend off, but will need to return to the hospital next Tuesday for week 2 of treatment. Week 2 will entail an overnight stay in the hospital to receive one more round of chemo through the port, and an additional hydration treatment. She will then have a little time off, and on day 21, she will start the cycle again.

In case some of you are not up to speed, Vivi has to receive her chemo treatments as an in-patient due to the complications she had with her heart during her first two rounds of chemo. This is also the reason the doctors want to make sure they keep her very well hydrated, as dehydration seems to be a significant factor in what triggered these heart complications during the first go-around.

Needless to say, this new regimen is going to be extremely intense, and very tough with all the hospital time (although, I am starting to think my mother prefers it here in her private room with a view). However, right now it seems she will only need to make it through three rounds of this chemo, and then she will hopefully be in full remission by late January!

After that, Vivi will be checked every three months to make sure that the cancer has not reoccurred. Unfortunately, ovarian cancer has an extremely high reoccurrence rate. However, seeing as Vivi has had a better response to her treatment than anyone would have expected, as well as the fact that she has stayed so seemingly healthy (outside of the cancer) through both her chemotherapy and the surgery, we have all reasons to believe that she can beat the odds! So what seemed to have been a not so hopeful scenario when Vivi was first diagnosed, has now turned into, what seems to be, quite a little miracle. Something I said many thanks for while sitting around that table on Thursday evening, and will continue to pray for as we head down her continued road to recovery.

I have said it before on this blog, but I attribute this miracle to several factors. First, anyone who knows Vivi, knows she is just one of a kind. Her positivity, sense of humor, and continued zest for life, has undoubtedly allowed this process to be as seamless (even fun, at times!) as possible. Additionally, I truly believe we have all of you to thank. This was the other blessing I have made sure to give thanks for – not only on Thursday night, but every single day since we have started this journey. We could not be luckier to be surrounded by such extraordinary people in our friends and family. The undying support, love, prayers, and thoughts that continue to pour in are just simply overwhelming. I now know first hand that love and laughter are truly the most powerful medicine on earth.

So although Thanksgiving is now over, I would still like to give thanks – to all of you – for everything you have given to my mother, as well as our whole family, through this challenging time. We honestly could not have gotten through any of this without you.

I hope you all enjoy the upcoming holiday season, and may your lives be filled with as many blessings as we have been offered this year.

As always, I will keep you posted on Vivi’s progress…

Another Post from Vivi!

Hi All,

I am happy to say you will be getting another guest appearance by, Vivi, the one and only (and might I add, a beautiful post, at that). I am also thrilled to inform you that not only did the surgery go better than we could have hoped, but Vivi is recovering beautifully! We meet with our surgeon on Monday for a follow-up, and then with our oncologist on Wednesday . Once we have those two meetings, hopefully we will have a better idea of what Vivi's chemo schedule and treatment regimen will look like post-surgery. I will let you all know once we have further updates.

In the mean time, I will let you hear from the leading lady herself - VIVI! Happy Holidays to all.

well i guess one might say the surgery went as well as could be expected..better actually..and today the 19th of Nov with a full moon over central park and my dog Butoh by my side i walked over to Wollman rink and almost donned a pair of skates hoping to feel free once more with some wind in my face and some speed on my feet..but it didnt happen..not quite ready for THAT yet..i suppose its me trying to escape the thought of more chemo..the last round i hope..coming up after Thanksgiving..we are by the way actually doing the parade party this year..i was so certain i would be bed bound still..there are many wonderful stories to tell around the surgery and after..but its not for me to do..i'll leave that to Aly..suffice it to say that many wonderful new friendships have ventured into my life through this experience and it has made me realize how lucky i am and how life affirming even the worst of situations can be..these are people along with all of you that i strongly embrace and with whom i will remain fiercely loyal..i love you all and wish everyone a very happy holiday..many happy hugs and kisses all around..vivi

Great News!!!!

Surgery is done. Could not have gone better! Will write more later, but wanted you all to know. Thank you for all the love, prayers, thoughts, and support.

Bye Bye, Baby Makers!

Hi Everyone,

I have to apologize for the tardiness of this post. I, unfortunately, have simply not had time to sit down and write a proper update. However, Vivi will be going in for surgery on Tuesday, so I wanted to touch base with all of you.

The surgery will involve a full hysterectomy, as well as the removal of any other unnecessary organs that the cancer has spread to or that may act as a possible host to returning cancer (not that this cancer is coming back ANY time soon!). While hysterectomies are rather routine surgeries these days, we are all obviously a bit anxious about the outcome of this surgery, and hoping that all will go as well as possible. However, we are lucky to have one of the best surgeons in the country, Dr. Abu-Rustum, so we have no doubt this surgery will go very smoothly.

More importantly, my mother, someone who has now undergone six rounds of very intense chemotherapy, is in remarkably strong shape (not fitness wise...I actually just chuckled at the thought of that) - but her immune system is holding up very well, she has barely lost weight, and she continues to eat like a small horse (something she takes as a compliment or I would not write it). Furthermore, she continues to amaze us all with her strength of will, sense of humor, and general zest for life (and diamonds). She is certainly still Vivi, the one and only, and not at all resembling a "cancer patient".

With that said, Vivi, as well as our family, would still appreciate all the support and help we can get during these next few tough weeks and months. We are not a particularly religious family (although I do believe we are all spiritual in our own ways), and I know there are people of varying religious beliefs on this list. So I please ask that if you pray (in whatever form it may be), that you say an extra prayer, do an extra bow, light another candle, or just wish on one more star for Vivi on Tuesday.

Also, if you would like to send flowers or cards (which is COMPLETELY unnecessary...seriously), Vivi will be at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital all next week, and will hopefully be home the week after.

Unfortunately, this is all I have time to write. I have included pictures above from Vivi's birthday party which we had up in Mahopac a few weeks back. What I will say, is that we continue to be overwhelmed by the amount of support, thoughtfulness, and love that seems to keep pouring in from every direction day after day. While this experience has certainly been a challenge for us all, it has also shown us the very best in people, and what an amazing support system we have both within and surrounding our family. So thank you for all you have done for us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Here is the good news - because I am so busy, I actually managed to talk Vivi into writing part of this post herself! So without further ado (or proofreading...Vivi does not really understand the use of punctuation when she types and I just didn't have the time to fix it. But, honestly, I think it's more genuine this way!), here is the Queen Bee, herself:

DISCLAIMER: THE REST OF THIS POST (ALTHOUGH I HAVE NOT YET READ IT) MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR THE FAINT OF HEART.

Since Aly is so busy with her events i will now write you all my event so far of late..i've had a wonderful month's break from chemo and have so enjoyed my time in the country and at my barn riding out on the open roads and fields on my pony Valentina enjoying what i think has been the best color spectacle yet..the trees out did themselves! but now its time to face reality once again and face the challenges ahead of me..play time is over for now! Tuesday the 2nd i will have non elective surgery on oh yes..election day..ug! good thing politics is of no interest to me..im a romantic! and good thing i dont want anymore children or God knows maybe even sex!! oops..grandchildren is what i need more of..10 just wont do!! so where was i oh yes..Tuesday..after a lot of pre op testing i will be having a complete hysterectomy and pray that that's it..depending on what my surgeon finds upon opening me up and taking a look at the situation..my cancer has been reduced quite dramatically but we'll see what he sees when he sees it! i should be in hospital about 3 to 5 days depending on how im doing..then home for a long recovery..2 to 3 weeks after surgery i will have to endure the hardest and most intense chemo..kind of the final clean up..and hope to be done with it all by end January..you have all been so wonderful and supportive and following me every step of the way..remarkable! i love you all and i deeply apologize for not being as entertaining as Aly in my writing..she is the one with those skills! she will be back to follow up and continue on with this endless journey when her events are done next week..she has been an absolute inspiration to me as well as everyone in my family..even my dog Butoh insisted that i take a moment to sit on a park bench today and take in the sights of the world around me that i have so missed..and my 2 wonders..June who cares for him in my absence and Ashley who trains my pony and takes me on all those wonderful trails..what would i do without all these great people in my life? well love to you all you are the sunshine i bask in and the stars that shine on me..but no one better than my sweet Moo!!